What helps, what doesn’t, and why it matters

If you love someone with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), you likely want to help—but may not always know how. OCD is widely misunderstood, and even the most well-intentioned responses can unintentionally make symptoms worse.

Learning how OCD works can help loved ones offer support that is more effective, compassionate, and aligned with recovery.

The International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) offers guidance for families and loved ones, emphasizing education, boundaries, and supportive—not enabling—responses. The points below reflect clinical best practices and what research shows actually helps.

1. Learn what OCD is—and what it isn’t

OCD is not:

A preference for cleanliness or organization
A personality trait
Being detail-oriented or “type A”
“Only” handwashing

OCD is a mental health disorder involving obsessions (intrusive thoughts, urges, images, or doubts that cause distress) and compulsions (behaviors or mental acts done to reduce that distress).

A defining feature of OCD is that obsessions are ego-dystonic, meaning they are not aligned with a person’s values, beliefs, or identity. This is why OCD thoughts can feel disturbing, confusing, or upsetting—even when the person recognizes they don’t reflect who they are.

This is different from thoughts that are ego-syntonic, or in other words consistent with one’s values, preferences, and what they want to focus on in life.

Understanding this distinction helps loved ones respond with accuracy rather than assumptions.

2. Learn what reassurance is in OCD—and why support looks different

Reassurance is one of the most common ways loved ones get pulled into OCD.

Reassurance often sounds like:

“You’re fine.”
“That would never happen.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I promise everything is okay.”

While reassurance feels loving in the moment, it teaches the brain that anxiety must be resolved immediately and that certainty is required to feel safe. Over time, this strengthens OCD.

Support without reassurance may sound like:

“I can see how anxious this feels.”
“I know this is really uncomfortable.”
“I’m here with you, even though I can’t answer that question.”

This can be incredibly hard. You love your loved one with OCD. But learning how to respond without reassurance is often an act of care—not withdrawal. It helps avoid enabling OCD and unintentionally making it worse.

3. Not everything is OCD

Someone can have OCD and have preferences.

OCD is ego-dystonic and distressing. Preferences are not.

For example:

Enjoying cleanliness ≠ contamination OCD
Liking organization ≠ symmetry or “just right” OCD

Labeling every behavior as OCD can be confusing and invalidating. Support means recognizing OCD when it’s present—without assuming everything falls under the disorder.

4. Help break the stigma

OCD is often minimized or misunderstood, which can contribute to shame and delays in seeking help.

Loved ones can help reduce stigma by:

Using accurate language
Correcting misconceptions when appropriate
Avoiding casual or joking use of “OCD”

Educating others helps create safer spaces for people with OCD to be understood and supported.

5. Learn about effective treatment—and why it can feel so scary

Effective OCD treatment can sound frightening to someone with OCD, even when they want help.

When OCD is activated, the amygdala—the part of the brain responsible for detecting threat—is highly engaged. Its job is survival. When it’s on overdrive, the brain treats perceived threats as if they are life-or-death.

In these moments:

Logic and reasoning are harder to access
Anxiety feels urgent and overwhelming
Reassurance and avoidance feel necessary

Something that may not seem like a big deal to others can feel unbearable to someone whose survival system is activated. This isn’t resistance—it’s the brain trying to protect itself.

Understanding this can help loved ones respond with patience and empathy rather than frustration.

6. Take care of yourself, too

Supporting someone with OCD can be emotionally exhausting. Acknowledging that matters.

Taking care of yourself may include:

Seeking your own support
Setting healthy boundaries
Doing things you enjoy and that help you recharge

You being supported and regulated helps you show up with more clarity and compassion.

7. Attend therapy sessions when appropriate

When available and clinically appropriate, attending therapy sessions with your loved one can be very helpful.

This can help you:

Learn more about OCD
Understand what’s happening in treatment
Practice offering support instead of reassurance

Family involvement, when done intentionally, can strengthen treatment rather than interfere with it.

A note about this information

This article is intended for education and understanding only. If you find yourself rereading this content to feel relief or certainty, that may be a sign that OCD is getting involved. Learning is helpful—seeking reassurance is not. If concerns persist, working with a trained mental health professional is recommended.

Additional resources

For family-specific education and support, the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) offers evidence-based resources for loved ones at iocdf.org/families.

If you’re an adult in the states we’re licensed (CA, WA, NV, NM, VT) and want effective treatment for OCD, schedule a consultation with us today.

How to Support a Loved One with OCD